puppies and apathy
2004-05-18, 8:30 p.m.

Diarists and My Space users all all agog over Zach's entry about the Christian-Boot-Camp-To-Turn-Him-Straight his parents are sending him to. I won't even address the basic fundamental problems with the whole idea of such a place (as they I assume will be self-evident to anyone reading anything on my site), nor my shock that these places seem to be going strong in 2005. Rather I will make a few comments about the rules outlined in the e-mail that his parents were instructed not to show him. Any temptations, fantasies, or dreams are to be presented to one's staff worker only. That's just a GREAT idea. Are R. Kelly & Michael Jackson running this place? Women: Women must shave legs and underarms at least twice weekly. Because not only can they tell you that being non-heterosexual is wrong, also, so is acting European. You are in America (pronounced muhr-cuh), gal. The clients may not wear Abercrombie and Fitch or Calvin Klein brand clothing. Well, finally - a sensible rule! No continuing education while in the program. Indeed. Mis-education only please. Clients may have no contact with anyone involved in unrepentant emotional dependencies Unrepentant emotional dependence - I'm going to start saying this instead of "in love." Seriously. I am. Refuge clients are allowed a one-time 15-minute maximum closed bathroom door time for shower/grooming purposes. Please see above rule about shaving for women. No. Fair. If. You. Want. Us. To. Look. Girly. Women: Bras must be worn at all times, except while sleeping. Sports bras may only be worn while working out. Wasn't there a whole Human Rights Movement in the late '60's and early '70's about women's rights - and protesters burned bras to highlight the cause? No? Nobody else has ever heard of such? Okay. -- Also, hi, I am wearing a sports bra right now. I would be in violation right now! Men: May not wear sandals without socks. Guys, you will not only not be straight, you will be a geek. Places of Honor for Women: 1. Please invite women (not just LIA clients) to be the first in line to eat. 2. Encourage women to accept the more comfortable seats in a room. Men should consider offering a woman their chair when there are none left in the room. Oh, but the rewards for being in the second gender class - sitting and eating - before the boys! Yay!